Photos

1. Basket stander

2. Basket bouncer

3. Why do I bother buying toys?

4. Reading the International Journal of Play Therapy ...  hmmmm

5. Back to the basket

6. Peek a boo

7. goat milk rejection

8. admiring herself at the shoe store

9. these boots were made for walking

meeting people

In the past couple weeks Lucy and I have met several families in person who we previously only "knew" through the CHSFS adoption forum.  What fun!!!  We met one family who are in the midst of their home study (hope the wait goes fast).  We met two families from the forum.  We caught up with a couple families we have previously met.  What socialites we are!  Saturday night was so much fun, surrounded by beautiful Ethiopian babies and toddlers, plus a couple beautiful bio-preschoolers (funny calling them bio-preschoolers). Lucy continues to be overnumbered by little boys in her life, so we were beyond excited to hear that our good friends S, R, H & M are officially starting the process on the adoption of another Ethiopian girl H!   I was also able to talk to my friend N who lives out of state,  I was so wishing that she was just going to show up at the gathering Saturday night.  When she wasn't there I was disappointed!   Lucy is still having some symptoms of her cold that never ends.  We (Lucy and I, and our clothes) are really really tired of snot.  

the time goes on ...

October 24th …  One year.  I feel like I can send/post this now because it’s officially tomorrow in Ethiopia.  My mind has been on so many things … mostly remembering this time last year.  I met Lucy!!!  I got on an airplane on the 22nd, arrived in Ethiopia late in the evening on the 23rd and the morning of the 24th I took Lucy into my arms and it was real!   I know I became a mother during those months of waiting to travel.  I got a scary medical update and could not be soothed. I was desperate to get to her into my arms and hear her breathing.  I stared and stared at each of the four photos I received while I was waiting for her.  I looked at her eyes, ears, hands, feet, lips … I examined the spit up on her jacket.  I was in a word: obsessed.  I still am!   The morning I met her I was so in another world, I felt a little detached from my emotions.  It’s almost like the emotions were so strong that I had to leave them or I wouldn’t have been able to hold her.  She was sleeping when I picked her up … minutes later she opened her eyes and her gaze met mine briefly before she fell back to sleep.   I stayed there with her in that crowded room, eight babies, a couple nannies, a nurse, Mel and Sara for some time getting trained in on Lucy care before being released to take her upstairs to the guest rooms.   From the moment we went upstairs, she was in my care.  A year later, she sleeps in her room … soundly (most nights).  She’s the same … observant, silly, smart, loving, trusting, wonderful child she was then.   She loves home.  I love that about her.  When she comes in the door to her home she laughs and twirls around and around.  She feels safe here.   I can’t believe a year has passed, some days it feels like it’s only been moments, and other days it feels like it’s  been forever.   I look into her eyes at night when she’s falling asleep and I marvel at all she knows, and all the memories she has that I will never know.   It’s overwhelming at times, the responsibility I feel for her as her mother, but also as the keeper of her story and the means for her to learn more and know more.  I feel compelled to seek for her, I feel like it’s an urgent job …  I know I am not alone in this. I feel connected with all the mothers, but especially the momma’s of children adopted from Ethiopia. We know too much about the situations that brought our children to us, we have responsibilities now that no amount of imagination could have prepared us for, we have a weight on our loving, tired shoulders. Lucy is a beautiful child, something about her touches the spirit of people who know her, she connects.   She brings joy and peace.   Thank you to everyone who has been a part of her story over this past year.  Love Stacy and Lucy Eskedar.

a year ago

One year ago, I was busy planning and packing.  I had my tickets, I knew when I was going to hold Lucy and I was jumping with excitement.  Saturday we had a gotcha celebration at a park.  It was a little early but we will be out of town next week, and I wanted to do it before it got too cold.  What fun we had celebrating Lucy.  I can't believe it's been almost a year since we became a family. I still faithfully read the children's home forum, and certain blogs.  It's fun to be connected with the adoption community.   Lucy is a riot as a toddler.  She LOVES being the center of everyone's attention.  She will run back and forth the length of our house, laughing, twirling, blowing kisses, rolling her eyes ... she is saying more and more words and is able to request three songs (twinkle twinkle, itsy bitsy spider and patacake).  She is great fun. 

Camping part 2

It was a cold and a rainy weekend.  Despite accurate weather forecasting we decided to forge ahead with our up north camping plans.  Our car was PACKED FULL.  We headed out. The rain continued.  We arrived at an almost empty state park.  It was wet wet wet.  Lucy and I walked around while Sara set up the tent and William napped in the car.  After about 10 minutes I realized that 10 outfits were not going to be enough for my mud loving daughter. We decided to stay until bedtime and pack it back up, avoiding getting everything in the car soaked.  We packed an entire camping trip worth of events in a few hours: hiking, outdoor cooking, tenting, campfire and marshmellow roasting ... all of which took place in the pouring rain.  Fun times. Fun times.  Here is the documentation.

first day tragedy

So ... I drop Lucy off at daycare at 8am.  I stick around for awhile, expressing my anxiety about this loft play area they have.  I said, she'll go up these steps all day but she doesn't know how to go down.  I said, I have been worried about these steps since last week.  I said, she will need to learn ...   I left her at daycare at 8:15, at 8:45 they called, "Lucy was 'pushed' off the loft and hit her head on the floor, she has a big gooseegg, a swollen lip and she is acting sleepy, you should come get her" ...  It took me 20 minutes to get there, it felt like 3 hours.  I was so sad the whole time, Lucy was hurt and she didn't know the people who were there to comfort her.  I was a mess. I yelled at every red light, "you stupid light, the cosmos is keeping me from my child" ... I was a bit dramatic.  When I arrived she was snuggled up with the teacher eating an apple.   Her head/face looked better then I expected.  By the time we got home she showed no signs of being tired or anything.  On the doctors advice I just kept an eye on her and she seemed fine.  We'll try again tomorrow, but I am definately not feeling any more confident. 

Nervous

Well, tomorrow Lucy starts "school".  OH arrrggghhhh,  I am so nervous and anxious.  I just feel like they don't know her, she doesn't know them and how are her need going to be met?  I just hope and pray this is a good move for her.  I have her little bag all packed with diaper wipes and extra clothes.  Her first day outfit is on her changing table and she went to bed a little early so she's better rested.   I have a back up social worker who as agreed to do my intake if Lucy needs momma (or if momma needs Lucy).   Like always, she'll probably do better with this transition then I will (for example I still haven't gotten over going back to work and it's been like 8 months now).  OK, I'll let you know how it went when it's over.